A recent article published by 5 Pillars reported the conviction of a fraudster who was jailed for eight-and-a-half years for conning two sisters out of £250,000, using fear, shame and cultural traditions as tactics to manipulate them.

Although the headline in itself is disturbing, what is even more worrying is the fact that this happened on a well-known online marriage website. I have had my concerns about many of these sites for years because they have become the hunting ground for marriage predators and fraudsters. People have been asking me the same question for some time. Who should take the blame for this? Of course this is a difficult one to answer without opening a can of worms right? But why shouldn’t people just say it as it is? Well funny enough most people do just that, but the answer always seems to depend on the gender group holding the discussion. Most sisters blame brothers because they cannot control their desires and therefore prowl marriage websites looking for the vulnerable and gullible. There appears however to be very few sisters who will blame sisters for allowing this to happen to themselves. My question is, has the time not come where sisters should explore the possibility that a portion of the blame just might belong to them?

People like Tahmoor Khan thrive off the fact that sisters don’t take precautions to protect themselves. For some unknown reason the predator never seems to fail to find his prey. Why is this? Could it be that sisters remain ignorant of the dangers? if it is, shouldn’t those who are aware be screaming from the rooftops to warn them?  There seems to be a large number of sisters who fear that they may have lost their chance of getting married because they have left it too late. I fear that this is one of the reasons why they leave themselves so open to predation. At first you might not want to empathise with them because you feel that they should know better, but if you spent time alone the same way they have, you’d have a better idea of what they go through, BUT – giving these men your savings and even worse, is something that really does need understanding. One of Tahmoor Khan’s victims gave him £50,000 to purchase a Land Rover. Why would she do such a thing? That’s an unreasonable amount of money to give to an online acquaintance. Why wasn’t she able to get advice from her service provider?

This is what I don’t understand. Marriage websites have become hosts to these parasites. What the hell are they playing at? They make so much money from this service they provide. Surely a few thousand pounds spent on awareness videos and better vetting procedures would be just a drop in the ocean to them. Why aren’t they doing anything to stop these people? Yeah I hear you? I know what you’re saying. Money first and last right? Well it certainly looks that way from where I’m sitting. It’s time they take responsibility and spend some money to protect their sisters because they are more than just customers. I’m in no way suggesting that these sites are unsavoury, but I am requesting that they do more to stamp out these predators and fraudsters.

So back to the question I asked earlier. Where should we place the blame? The reality is that everyone gets a portion of the blame and we must accept this. What can we do to stop our sisters becoming prey? Well there’s probably no point in sending a message to the predators themselves because I’m sure they’ve heard it all before and it’s probably just water off a duck’s back to them. Still I have to remind you brothers. Whether you believe or not, those sisters will get their justice just as Tahmoor Khan’s victims have and if you get away with it in this life, Woe be to you because you will have lost for sure. I urge you to stop now and save yourself from the inevitable. To my sisters, I implore you to stop allowing this to happen to you. You need to keep this discussion going until it does the full rounds and everyone knows about it. You need to be the watchful eye over each other. When you hear that someone you know is speaking to a brother online, you need to get your checklist out to ensure that nothing underhand is taking place. Always involve your wali and never make excuses as to why you have to do this on your own. It’s just not worth it. You may begin strong but look up the story of Barseesa to see how even the best of us can be broken down over time.

And finally, my message to the service providers. Fear Allah and protect your sisters. If you are accountable, then your accountability is for 100s of sisters subhanallah. May Allah protect the honour of the innocent and bring justice to the guilty.